is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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