im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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