you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
