they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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