Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
