i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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