I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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