Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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