i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
