She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
