hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
