I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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