Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize