love makes seman taste better
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
