ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
