her vagine was all disorganized.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
