i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
