Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
