An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize