my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
