Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
