Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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