The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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