No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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