I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
