9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
