I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
