Where is the hickey?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
