Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
