That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
