I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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