i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
