Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
