dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
