At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
