drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
