I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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