Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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