How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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