My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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