you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
