We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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