I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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