Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
