i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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