I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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