I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
