I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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