I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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