the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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