just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
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