took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
