I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She announced her abortion via fbk
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
