Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
