i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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