is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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