He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
