"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
