Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
