So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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