This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
