When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
