Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize