I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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