"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
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