I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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