i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
