then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
