I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize