Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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