My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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