i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize