RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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