i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You made out with two different species that night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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