dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize