I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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