Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
