life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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