can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
