Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
