It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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