could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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