HIV tests are more positive than that guy
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
