Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
