Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
