When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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