"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
