I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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