Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
