This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
