i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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